New day. New rant
So I haven’t done a good rant in a while. Of course it’s time for one.
So. Music has always been a huge part of my life. Every single aspect of my life could be played out by a different song. Lyrics speak to me more than anything else. So music has always been my connection between people, emotions, feelings and my soul.
I noticed shortly after Wes and I broke up that our songs were constantly on the radio. Not just the ones that were popular at that time; all of them. His all time favorite song would come on the radio at the same time every week. I stopped listening to the radio at that time. I couldn’t handle it anymore. After a while, I stopped testing the universe and I stopped searching for our songs. I quit trying to make sense of the music and just let it be a part of my memories.
Well there have been multiple occasions where the songs have come up. And always at just the right time. I remember one evening saying the words, “If we’re meant to be, our song will be on the radio right now.” The song came on the radio. As I was passing his work. I feel like these things can’t be out of coincidence. They’re too random too. I can’t make things like this happen, even if I tried.
He has been on my mind more than usual in the last few weeks. The first few months were great, I was okay with us being apart. But I still feel this invisible draw towards him. This energy to want to be near him and with him. I can’t explain it, and I don’t fully understand it. I fear that my desire to be with him is unhealthy. It’s not that he’s the only thing I think about, or want in my life. But I can still smell him and I still know the things that would make him smile.
I’m so sick of wondering and pondering. I want to have answers to these thoughts. I have every desire in the world to call him up, ask him to hang out and to make this thing work. Because I know that I’m a better person with him. I want to take care of him again, and I don’t want to hurt, ever.
