Painted nails.Macs.Shopping.Baseball.And Love.
Today, I saw someone who means the world to me, in a state I never thought I’d see him in. He was vulnerable, and fragile. I just wanted to hold him and give him hope.
I wanted to take care of him, and be with him. And even though I was just dropping off cookies, and I was only there for 15 minutes. I knew that it would be so important to be there for him.
He asked me to come spend time with him on Friday. To run errands with him and just spend the day with him. To me that’s a privilege, because I do know that I’m one of the few people he trusts. And I know he needs me right now. I’m so glad that I can do that for him.
To be a true friend when he needs one the most. Because his body isn’t the only thing that’s fragile, his heart is too. And I just want to love on him and pray for him. Now I have that opportunity.
So join me in praying for this selfless young man, who just lost two good friends. Pray for fast healing of his body. Pray for understanding in his heart. Pray for his family and the families of the ones who lost their lives due to this accident.
Thank you, I know that this is the only thing that will help him at this time.
I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.
That statement in itself is frightening.
Today when I heard the news of Trevor’s passing I was so scared. Because I knew that you were with him. You two were completely inseparable. Even I knew that after all these years apart and the few moments we all spent together.
I sobbed today for many reasons. For the loss of your friend. For the heartbreak I know this will bring to so many. And for the selfish joy I had that it wasn’t you.
How pathetic is that? I’m filled with so much sadness because no one deserves to feel what everyone who cared for him is feeling right now.
But my thoughts keep jumping to the what if’s of it all. What if it were you? What if I never got to say how I feel? What if I never got the chance to laugh with you again? What if the last moment we had together was us dancing in that parking lot?
That isn’t good enough to be how we end. Because I’m going to be honest, I don’t see this ending. I know, that this is something more.
I love you. In its purest form. A love that has stood the test of time and many random circumstances.
So in this time, I’m learning that I can’t be afraid of that. I can’t be afraid to tell you that I do love you.
I want nothing more than to be by your side right now. And when I feel that the time is right, I’ll be there. For you and with you. Because even after all these years and circumstances, you and I are like second nature. We will always know when to be there.
We will always love each other.
It’s just so foolish that the only time I ever find the need to write anymore is when life is going wrong.
But I can’t really state that about my life now. I just am experiencing some chapters that the final pages are being written. The ink is drying quickly, and new characters are being introduced to my story.
Over the last few months, I have experienced a few ups and downs. And to be truly honest, lately it’s been more downs than ups. Work is overwhelming. Life is overwhelming. And to be completely honest I feel like I’m drowning most of the time.
Over dramatic? Quite possibly, but it’s my life right now. I have very few people right now that I can truly rely on to be there for me whenever I need someone. And maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be for now.
I’m learning that the people I have been relying on; don’t care for the me the same way I care for them. I put my heart on the line every single day with my friends and the people I love. And I’ve realized that some of them will never do the same for me. Not to sound harsh, or hard towards the world. But it is true. Some of the people I’ve invested my heart and time into; won’t ever be able to return the favor.
My life has taken some unexpected turns and has taken me down roads I never thought I’d even come close to venturing down. But I’ve taken each challenge in stride. And I will continue to do so.
Every single day is a brand new beginning, and that’s the most beautiful thing to me.
So who knows what new kinds of challenges and adventures are contained in the upcoming chapters of my life. As 2012 quickly comes to a close, I know that I will make the most out of this year. I can’t wait to see this story keep unfolding. The new pages that have yet to be written contain the most beautiful pieces of my life. I just know it.